If we don't know God's name, how do we pray?

That's a good question and may account for some of the odd expressions you hear like "the man upstairs." Anyway, let's go back to this first conversation for a minute.
Then the LORD told Abram, "Leave your country, your relatives, and your father's house.

Go to the land that I will show you.
I will cause you to become the father of a great nation.
I will bless you and make you famous.
I will make you a blessing to others.
I will bless those who bless you and curse those who curse you. All the families of the earth will be blessed through you.

There are a couple of things to note. How many "I wills" do you see? I count five. This is God laying out His plan for Abram and He is speaking about what He with all the power in the universe is going to do. Abram is along for the ride, has a front row seat, but this is going to happen regardless of what Abram is capable of doing or not doing.
The path of wisdom is to be careful with the whole "I will" or even "I won't" phrases. Let me give you an example. The most powerful and cool looking created being ever for all time was Lucifer, the disgraced angel we often call the devil or Satan. Check out what he said and it proved to be his undoing.

I will ascend to heaven and set my throne above God's stars.
I will preside on the mountain of the gods far away in the north.
I will climb to the highest heavens and be like the Most High.'
But instead, Satan will be brought down to the place of the dead, down to its lowest depths.

<= = = The devil had the talk, but not the walk?

Yup! He was the most powerful created being in the universe, but not more powerful than God. The amazing thing is people like you and me that at the end of the day are average tend to do this "I will" thing.

There are still two more things I would like to show you.

Then the LORD told Abram, "Leave your country, your relatives, and your father's house.

As I said, Abram was the son of an idol maker and grew up in a nasty city where every perversion existed even though they didn't have Craigslist yet. God is telling him to leave his past behind. My last observation is one of my favorite parts of this story and it is as true today as it was the day God said it.

I will bless those who bless you and curse those who curse you. All the families of the earth will be blessed through you.

The news makes the whole Israel and Palestine situation very confusing. However, as we are going to see, the Jewish people, Israel, are the seed of Abraham and if you want to be blessed support Jerusalem, Jewish people and Israel and if you want to be cursed, curse Jerusalem, Jewish people and Israel. I realize I need to build my case so you can truly believe this, but just put it on the stack for later consideration. Let's get back to the story.

So Abram departed as the LORD had instructed him, and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he left Haran. He took his wife, Sarai, his nephew Lot, and all his wealth--his livestock and all the people who had joined his household at Haran--and finally arrived in Canaan.

<= = = My friend at school, Benjamin told me that Chanukah is a made up holiday so we would have something similar to Christmas.

Christmas is a made up holiday as well, if you read the Christian Bible carefully, Jesus was not born in December. However, while this holiday is not commanded by the Torah, it is a very important story. So when your father tells of the temple being desecrated by the sacrifice of pigs, listen well. The nation of Israel has much in common with the Nationalists and the Chasidim, who banded together to capture, restore and rededicate the temple. You can't walk the streets of Jerusalem seeing the Orthodox and all those young kids that are serving as soldiers without thinking of this holiday dedicated to assimilation of the Hebrew race and suppression of Judiasm.

What's up with the LORD stuff?

LORD in all capitals has a special meaning. It is a kind of TinyURL like you use to make URLs shorter for Twitter posts. Hebrews would use marks to replace the vowels around their consonant letters, such as C, H, K, L, M, for easier texting.

Then in an economic downturn they stopped putting the vowel pronunciation marks around the name of God. The marketing spiel was the name of God is too holy to write or speak, but actually it was to save ink. This movement caught on and within a couple generations no one knew how to pronounce God's name correctly, or how to write it.

All they knew was HWHY. Now, since they read right to left you see something that vaguely looks like HIGHWAY if you add vowels back, they see something to might have looked like YAWEH.

Anyway, left to right, right to left nobody liked any of it and it was decided to substitute LORD for YHWH. The bottom line, the whole world has forgotten the name for God.

G-d DMs Abram

Try to put this in perspective, you are the son of an idol maker and grew up in a nasty city where every perversion, even some that have been lost in the antiquities and only now are being re-discovered on sites like 4chan.

Abram did not thrive as salesboy in daddy's idol shop, but he loved the outdoors and was a going concern with livestock and how. At this point the entourage was over 50 including all the family and servants and the sheep, goat and camel count was over a thousand. And he had his trophy wife, Sarai, top stock arm candy.

One day, Abram was reading his email, and puzzling over a message touting 'Cinco de Mayo intro of NY's 1st kosher tequila: 11 am, 1214 Vanderbilt Avenue, nr Grand Central' with pastrami burritos. When IT happened! God DM'd Abram!

One thing really set Abram apart from every other man walking the earth, he knew God's voice the second he heard it, he did not question or doubt, he did what he was told to do.

Then the LORD told Abram, "Leave your country, your relatives, and your father's house.
Go to the land that I will show you.
I will cause you to become the father of a great nation.
I will bless you and make you famous.
I will make you a blessing to others.
I will bless those who bless you and curse those who curse you. All the families of the earth will be blessed through you.

Road Trip to Canaan (sort of)

Happy Thanksgiving Master Cohen, did you have a fine day?

<= = = I did sir, I ate too much and took a nap, but I feel great now.

That seems to be the consensus in America on how to celebrate, eat too much and take a nap. Do you know you can spot a group of Americans visiting the Holy Land from a hundred yards away, most of the group will be overweight, even the kids. Anyway, today we have a journey in the direction of Canaan to talk about.

Terah took his son Abram, his daughter-in-law Sarai, and his grandson Lot (his son Haran's child) and left Ur of the Chaldeans to go to the land of Canaan. After traveling 600 miles of dusty desert listening to Nahor's kids ask, "Are we there yet"! They decided to stop at the village of Haran, a caravan town and settled there. All and all the entourage was about twenty people with the usual Middle Eastern nomadic collection of sheep, goats and camels, but there was plenty of space to pitch tents and water from the river Belik.

If Terah Wild Goat, the Wanderer had read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he would have known the importance of begin with the end in mind. But he was kind of in it for the journey, the experience and never actually accomplished much, so he never made it to Canaan and frankly, never cared.

Terah lived to be 205, in his last hundred years or some other large number, no one knows exactly how long he lived in Harron ( yes, in the three thousand years that have passed they added an extra r), he still sat by the path in a comfortable chair, but he no longer carved idols. Harran, if you want to sharpen your Biblical geography, was southeast Turkey, home of the mudbrick beehive house and most famous for being a global supplier of Stobrum gum, a sleep disorder treatment.

Abram thoroughly enjoyed being out of the city, his herds were prospering and Lot wasn't a bad shepherd either. Sarai seemed perfectly happy to go camping with him when they took their flocks to pasture and even though they still did not have children, they were a close couple. Abram was glad his dad was out of the idol business, that seemed a bit cheesy, kind of like selling used chariots.

Abram and Nahor get married to their sweethearts! Maseltoff

= = = Two wedding feasts, good thing Terah had sons


Shortly after this Abram married Sarai. Maseltoff! She was the ultimate fox, the hottest chick on planet earth, even three thousand years later, only Helen of Troy and Laetitia Maria Laure Casta can give her a run.
Nimrod himself had considered taking her as a wife, but when he approached her, his heartbeat soared so fast he became fearful his heart would explode and he would perish. The shrewd king reasoned, "Better to let this one go, than die trying to bed her".

Abram, however, had an industrial strength heart. Ten years her senior, he had grown up with Sarai, seen her when she was a cute toddler, watched her grow. By the time she was five or six, it was apparent she would grow into a lovely lady. He tweeted:

AbrahamWanderer Its official, the Tena'im is signed, Sarai is my Kallah, I'm getting married, wish Haran could see this :( http://tinyurl.com/deswfh

It was a lovely ceremony Master Cohen. When I saw her all grown up under the Chuppah I couldn't hold back the tears. Now, there is going to be one fly in the ointment. Sarai was not able to have any children, almost certainly because she had zero body fat, she's too skinny, she needs to eat something. And children, the 401k of the ancient Middle East, were vitally important.


Abram's brother Nahor, named after Nahor the elder, married Milcah, the daughter of their brother Haran. Maseltoff!

<= = = Mr. Storyteller, isn't that incest or something?

Storyteller: OK, this is one of those complicated things like birds and bees. It wasn't his sister, or mother, it was his niece. For the next thousand years or so, they are going to keep it all in family sort of.
Let me put it like this, in a hundred years or so, the offspring of Abram and Sarai ( we will call them Abraham and Sarah at that time) will be set apart from the pagans. At the end of the day, not counting sisters and mothers, things classified as "So Appalachian" today, were considered cool. You may have heard jokes about the hollers of West Virginia or Arkansas where everyone looks alike, well they are not joking, I have seen it myself. However in the case of the bloodline of Abram (later named Abraham), they wanted to look alike. Even today, you can often spot a nice boy a mile away. Bottom line, this bloodline was set apart for God. Jeer all you like, judge all you like, but just last week, another state in your country, Iowa, passed a teshuvot allowing same sex marriages so your culture and country isn't exactly wowing me.

<= = = Mr. Storyteller, what about Ischah?

Storyteller: Milcah had a sister named Iscah, the Bible is silent on most of her history, but it is a popular name in Europe, so she had to do something right. Can we move on?

Abraham's Brother Haran Dies

= = = Speed and Alcohol were factors in Haran's death

Soon after the broken idol incident, Terah's son Haran, who had been a gifted athlete at his high school, but failed to launch as an adult went out drinking and chowing down on bagels and herring with his buddies.

He then took a chariot on a wild ride through the city. Apparently he knew every curve in the road but one. He died in Ur of the Chaldeans, the place of his birth, according to police, speed and alcohol were factors in the event and he wasn't belted in. He was survived by:
• Terah, his father,
• Mamayar his mother who left Terah because he snored
• His two foxy party grrrrll daughters Milcha and Iscah
• A son who like him never really was able to make his mark, Lot
• His two brothers Abram and Nahor

After the burial, family and friends observed a seven day period of mourning. Terah's 401k account, his sons, lost considerable value in a single night. Haran was missed and some of his friends kept putting flowers on the spot he left the road and crashed for the next twenty years.

King Nimrod and modern government

= = = Introducing Nimrod and modern government

Abram lucked out, though God of course, could have saved him from any fate including death in a furnace, but Nimrod Rebel was a fierce warrior and powerful king. First man in the world who had the boldness to take for himself the title and prerogative of king, in the face of the yet lingering idea of God as king. The Bible record of Nimrod is that, "He began to be a mighty one in the earth." Abram once tweeted:


AbrahamWanderer OMG King Nimrod just went down mainstreet, a thousand people in the procession, throwing SWAG, hope I get lucky http://tinyurl.com/cafuvl


King Nimrod built roads, schools and hospitals, raised and army and invented a concept known as taxation. He was a bit of a philosopher was well, I listened to him go on for an hour once pondering the inverse relationship between piety and intelligence.
Be careful to be quick to judge Nimrod too harshly, he established the might, the power, the authority, of human government, in the form of an organized State. Whether you are a republican, democrat or libertarian, the roots of all three are Nimrod.

Abraham minding the idol store

Okay, I know two stories from the history of Terah's family, both involve his son Abram.

Terah once went away on a walkabout and left Abram to mind the store. To say the least, Abram was not the best idol salesman to ever walk the earth.
Terah had scarcely left Ur when a man came and wished to buy one of the idols. Abram asked him, 'How old are you?' When the man answered that he was sixty years old, Abram rebuked him, 'You should be ashamed, a man of sixty wanting to bow down to an object that is but one day old.' The man became embarrassed and left. Abram thought that was really funny, he was a student, albeit unschooled of people and knew just how to push a man's buttons.


One rainy day a cougar of a woman came to the store with a plateful of flour and asked Abram to offer it to the idols in her behalf. She kissed Abram on the cheek and lightly touched his thigh, "Maybe I can come back tomorrow with another plate". Abram thought to himself, that will never do, I have the eye of the hottest chick in Ur, I can't let this middle aged woman mess that up.

AbrahamWanderer LOL, the lady that wants me to sacrifice the bread is a cougar, hitting on me, hope Sarai doesn't pop in, tough to explain


I think some women want to be powerful, predatory even. Abram showed a lot of maturity, they say that the older woman is every young guy's dream. Anyway, Abram reasoned, if there are no idols, she will find another idol shop. He took a stick, broke the idols with a series of crashing blows, and put the stick in the largest idol’s hand.

When Terah Wild Goat returned, he demanded that Abram explain what he had done. Abraham told Terah that the idols fought among themselves and the largest broke the others with the stick.

< = = = No way! He couldn't expect Terah to be that dumb!

Yes way, in fact it is a Jewish Midrash, a particular way of reading and interpreting a biblical verse and I think it must have happened, Abram tweeted part of the event:

AbrahamWanderer UH Oh, Terah just got home, mad about the busted idols, talking about turning me in to Nimrod for judgment.


Anyway, to finsh the story. Terah said angrily, “Why do you mock me? Do idols have any knowledge? Abram then retorted “Listen to what you are saying!”
Terah burned in anger, but Abram was already becoming the fierce warrior that would one day be the most respected wanderer in Canaan. Terah considered turning his son over to Nimrod, King of Ur, Lord of Heaven, but in those days, your son was your retirement plan and Terah was no spring chicken.

Abram's Dad, Terah the idol maker

To go with twitter.com/AbrahamWanderer

Hello Master Cohen, may I introduce myself, I am John Comfort, but most kids call me Mr. Storyteller because that is what I do. We are going to learn about the Patriarchs and then selected stories about other great leaders from scripture such as Joseph, Moses, Joshua and David so that you have a full understanding as you approach Bar Mitzvah and manhood. As we learn about these heroes of the faith, you will learn a bit more about yourself and your role. Sound good? Ready to get started?

<= = = One more thing to do on a Thursday, but I am sure my parents want me to learn and stories do not sound painful, so welcome Mr. Storyteller, what do we hear today?


It is an honor to be here Master Cohen. Today is the story of Abram the wanderer, son of Terah, a member of the all time hall of fame as we will see. When Terah Wild Goat, the Wanderer was 70 years old, the peak of manliness back in those days, he started hitting on w4m lists. He got a response from Mamayar about ten seconds after he wrote her.

@Terah, Roof-topping at the Ziggurat lounge. Live DJ, sun, red wine, friends and fresh hummus. What more could a woman ask for? Let's meet in real life.

In short order Terah became the father of Abram, Nahor, and Haran of whom he kept custody. All of his sons were athletic, strong willed and a bit quirky, but that was the norm in Ur.


Now Terah the father of Abram was a piece of work. Terah was wicked in that he manufactured wooden idols for a living. He used to make them from stone, but got frustrated by the amount of tool maintenance required. In fact, he was the inspiration for the poem by Emily: "All the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone. That have crumbled like sand beneath the waves."

His shop was along one of the main paths to the shrine of the patron god of the city of Ur, the Moon-god Nannar, what we call Iraq today just past the wedded rocks, two rocks in the ocean that are connected by sacred ropes made of braided papayrus stalks. They are approached by a path along the temple, through a stone gate. There is a fountain where visitors can cleanse their hands and mouths before approaching the shrine area. The rocks are considered to represent Anu and Anata, the married founding god and goddess of the Chaldees.

The heart of the town was set apart as the Moongod's sanctuary. The great ziggurat or temple-tower was all about Nannar and Nimrod. And, although other gods had their shrines within the sacred enclosure, they were only there as attendants for the majesty of Nannar.

Terah would sit along the path carving his idols and sometimes the moon god worshipers would stop, everyone likes to watch an artist at work. Terah would answer their questions, sometimes breaking off the conversation to look towards heaven and speak, or tilt his ear as he listened to a voice, the customer could not hear. When he made a sale, which was about one out of every three persons to stop, he would wait for them to leave, open a wooden footlocker and pull out another idol that was almost finished and start carving again; when it comes to idols some people like them very old and others as fresh as possible.

Terah also had weathered ones, but they did not sell as well and the fresh ones. He did fairly well, once he staged an event where he carved a larger idol for 72 hours non-stop with a silent auction sheet. People bid sheep, goats, camels as well as money. Terah does not recall where he got the idea of fighting sleep for three days in order to carve his idols in front of passersby.

AbrahamWanderer Kickoff

Began a new book project on the life of Abraham. Created a Twitter account (twitter.com/AbrahamWanderer). Following people with names in the account ( Terah, Sarai, Abram ) also started following a few Rabbis to get the inside scoop. We will begin with his boyhood in Ur and a couple Midrashim that apply.