Thursday, November 20, 2008

Abram and Nahor get married to their sweethearts! Maseltoff

= = = Two wedding feasts, good thing Terah had sons

Shortly after this Abram married Sarai. Maseltoff! She was the ultimate fox, the hottest chick on planet earth, even three thousand years later, only Helen of Troy and Laetitia Maria Laure Casta can give her a run.
Nimrod himself had considered taking her as a wife, but when he approached her, his heartbeat soared so fast he became fearful his heart would explode and he would perish. The shrewd king reasoned, "Better to let this one go, than die trying to bed her".

Abram, however, had an industrial strength heart. Ten years her senior, he had grown up with Sarai, seen her when she was a cute toddler, watched her grow. By the time she was five or six, it was apparent she would grow into a lovely lady. He tweeted:

AbrahamWanderer Its official, the Tena'im is signed, Sarai is my Kallah, I'm getting married, wish Haran could see this :(

It was a lovely ceremony Master Cohen. When I saw her all grown up under the Chuppah I couldn't hold back the tears. Now, there is going to be one fly in the ointment. Sarai was not able to have any children, almost certainly because she had zero body fat, she's too skinny, she needs to eat something. And children, the 401k of the ancient Middle East, were vitally important.

Abram's brother Nahor, named after Nahor the elder, married Milcah, the daughter of their brother Haran. Maseltoff!

<= = = Mr. Storyteller, isn't that incest or something?

Storyteller: OK, this is one of those complicated things like birds and bees. It wasn't his sister, or mother, it was his niece. For the next thousand years or so, they are going to keep it all in family sort of.
Let me put it like this, in a hundred years or so, the offspring of Abram and Sarai ( we will call them Abraham and Sarah at that time) will be set apart from the pagans. At the end of the day, not counting sisters and mothers, things classified as "So Appalachian" today, were considered cool. You may have heard jokes about the hollers of West Virginia or Arkansas where everyone looks alike, well they are not joking, I have seen it myself. However in the case of the bloodline of Abram (later named Abraham), they wanted to look alike. Even today, you can often spot a nice boy a mile away. Bottom line, this bloodline was set apart for God. Jeer all you like, judge all you like, but just last week, another state in your country, Iowa, passed a teshuvot allowing same sex marriages so your culture and country isn't exactly wowing me.

<= = = Mr. Storyteller, what about Ischah?

Storyteller: Milcah had a sister named Iscah, the Bible is silent on most of her history, but it is a popular name in Europe, so she had to do something right. Can we move on?

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